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Size Matters; Now What?

Not so hung? Use your tongue?and other titillating tips

Q: Wow! Your layout and interview in the September ’01 IRONMAN were fantastic; however, one part of the interview was perplexing. You said women tell you that penis size really does matter to them, so why does everyone try to candy-coat the issue by saying, ‘It’s not what you got but how you use it?’ Can you please shed some light on the issue of whether the size of our schlongs determines if we get laid or not?

‘Not So Hung, Jacksonville, FL

A: I was afraid that my statement about penis size might cause some turmoil, but I’m here to help men find happy relationships with women. When women tell me that size matters, they’re mainly referring to being able to feel their lover’s penis inside them. So, actually, it’s not the size so much as the ability of the man to achieve and maintain an erection. Orangutans only have 1 1/2 inches of love muscle, and they do the dirty deed in all types of positions’swinging from trees! But when a guy only has a semi-erection’kinda floppy, but kinda hard’women are somewhat daunted. For one thing, it makes them feel less sexy. Also, it just doesn’t feel as good, and the penis has a tendency to fall out more often than it should. If you can’t give your woman the hardest piece of meat possible, it wouldn’t matter if you had 12 inches of length and three inches of girth. The stiffer the better. Everyone likes a hard key in a soft lock.

To keep your favorite extremity as rigid as possible, you must keep your arteries clean and elastic. Remember, the key to firmer erections is proper blood flow in the pelvic region. Eat a healthy, well-balanced diet that includes high-quality protein, colorful vegetables and essential fatty acids. Pumpkin seeds and oysters wouldn’t hurt either. Avoid alcohol, especially before a sexual encounter. Avoid stress, as that causes your body to release chemicals that are extremely damaging to your cardiovascular system. Vitamin E works wonders in improving circulation and libido. Start with 200 international units and slowly work up to 1,000 I.U. daily. Damiana is an herb that helps increase blood flow to the genital area. Try to get the tincture version, and take it one hour before sex. Above all, exercise! That gets the blood flowing to all of the vital areas. Kegel exercises are especially beneficial.

There is so much more to having a happy relationship, sexual and otherwise, with the fairer sex than bludgeoning her with your manhood. Titillate her mind first, then let your mouth, fingers, tongue and so on further whet her appetite. Save penile insertion for dessert. If you really feel that you’re on the bottom of the penis-size totem pole, you should hone the other talents so many women love about men who are great lovers. Do I really have to elaborate on those?

Another frontier you might consider exploring would be anal sex. I’m not getting freaky on you, but it pays to know that that’s the only way some women can have orgasms. There are many, many nerve endings around the anus that can cause great pleasure, and since the anus is a tighter orifice, you may enjoy it more too. Anal sex deserves an entire column. We’ll touch more on that in the next installment of Sex Rx. In the meantime, don’t stress about your size, Not So Hung. ‘Hang’ in there, adhere to a healthy lifestyle and show your woman what a real man is made of!

Editor’s note: Laura Moore is IRONMAN’s resident sexpert, a science writer for Penthouse, the host of the radio talk show ‘The Health Nuts’ and the author of Sex Heals. Send your questions and comments to her at

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