Right before my training at the gym, I get this lump in the back of my throat, it's the onset of an anxiety attack; an old friend that visits every now and then, trying to weaken me, break me and stimulate that feeling that harbors in the back of my mind; in the fibers of my being...fear.
But as soon as I begin my workout, the anxiety dissipates, and a fight ensues for a new personal record.
Keeping track of every training session, weights, mood, energy levels, and more, allows me to see my progress so that I can challenge myself further as well as how to stifle the anxiety that tries to antagonize me each and every time. Instead, I redirect it to power my training; I simply use it as a tool and capitalize on it to increase my performance in the gym.
When I look in the mirror, my heart banging like a bass drummer in my ears, I don't see the scars or the damage from the anxiety, I see the reflection of a fighter; I see the air that I forget about when I breathe. I see me. And that's how powerful and at peace I feel.
When I'm not training, I fight other battles; battles that try to destroy me. Lifting weights has become a reminder that I still have a whole lot of life inside of me.
That I still have wings to soar.
We all have something or maybe even someone that weighs us down; holds us down but gives us just enough to allow us to keep breathing, but we forget about the air, we forget about the life that exceeds our conflicts and our burdens. We see no reward for the pain we face each day, we see no hope; we take what we can... even if it's only a piece at a time.
We give more than we take and we don't always have enough to give. We feel the kind of pain that becomes so debilitating, and treat it like a death sentence, leaving us with just enough fight to get by.
I've always known struggle, but that shouldn't get in the way of pursuing life; pursuing dreams. Struggling is a painful reminder that we are still alive, and to provide us with the knowledge that we do still have purpose and we are not done yet.
There's a fire inside all of us that fuels our desires, hopes and goals. The fire is there, you just have to strike the match and get it burning.
You've felt pain and lived with scars, you succumbed to that internal battle, and then there are times you fought. Times you fought but never with such a huge desire and passion.
Never with so much fire burning so hot within you.
No. You fought through a pain that left you hurt and broken.
You've tried over and over to escape it, to suffocate it; even enlisting in your own battle day after day, night after night because you had no other choice; you had no other way out....Or so you felt.
But now, you have the option to succeed. To grow and rebuild.
You have the option to feel a different kind of pain. A pain that makes you stronger; a pain that makes you feel alive inside and in control.
Fitness is not solely about aesthetics.
Fitness (training) breaks through conflict and pain. It gets you to see that there is a deeper soul within you waiting to be set free; waiting to be able to look into the mirror and find the person that is capable of being strong and fearless, and to get you to recognize the life that is staring back at you, the life you never knew was out there.
You have to be open. You have to be willing.
Carry your burdens; everything that weighs you down; your pain, your struggles and set fire to them inside the gym. Release them from inside of you. The more you allow yourself to struggle inside that training session, the desire to fight and hold on to that euphoric feeling increases. Training is a new kind of fight: It's a fight for a passion, strength and confidence.
It's a chance to actually truly experience living, exceeding your own expectations and overcoming struggles with a sense of pride and accomplishment.
When you relinquish your fear and you feel the weight in your hands, or on your shoulders, back, legs, trying to fight you, weighing you down, you feel the resistance, forcing you to pull from deep within to conquer and defeat that weight; it'll awaken all of your senses, and you will never, ever want to let that feeling go. To be able to overcome that lift and look in the mirror feeling nothing, nothing can weigh you down-ever again. Ever.
That's the kind of pain that's worth it. That's the pain that gives you wings to soar.
So what are you waiting for?