Q: Do women, in general, have a favorite sexual position? Being a man, I'm a fan of doggie style (most of my friends are too), but I want to be sure I hit all the right spots for my sex partners as well. What's your favorite, if you don't mind my asking?
A: There are four basic sexual positions that women usually refer to when they are asked about their favorite one: 1) missionary (because they like the closeness), 2) woman on top (because they have more control), 3) doggie style (because of the angle and because it turns the guy on so much) and 4) '69' (for obvious reasons). But please don't limit yourself to just those rudimentary coital postures. Experiment. Have some fun! Women are extremely turned on by men who exude sexual confidence, and what better way to prove how competent a lover you are than by showing her something she's never had before. (Please ask for her permission first if you want to hang her upside down or use some type of potentially intimidating apparatus.)
I remember one boyfriend who blew my mind by making one simple smooth move. I had moved my ankles on top of his shoulders while we were in the missionary position. He grabbed them, crossed my legs in the air and then put the opposite ankle on each of his shoulders. The position felt wonderful'everything tightened up a bit'but the biggest thrill was watching him take control. It was especially erotic seeing myself in a sexual position I had never even thought of before. Luckily, I practice yoga, so new positions are very comfortable for me. I actually keep waiting for the day when my lover will tie me up like a pretzel and rock my world. Just kidding.
An interesting position that many men don't try but that most women love has the man lying on his side and entering the woman while she lies on her back somewhat perpendicular to the man, with one of her legs between his and the other draped over his hips. I especially like that one because I have free access to pleasure myself. I can also control the rhythm of my lover's thrusting by pressing on his glutes with my leg that is wrapped around him. The woman can easily move into different positions from this one as the man is still pounding away. Or she could gently nudge her lover into them.
She can spoon against him (turn her back to him as they both lie on their sides). Men tell me that offers a great view'similar to doggie style but lying down. She can bend more toward his legs and wrap her upper body around one of his thighs'a very, very nice feeling! And if she really starts feeling freaky, she can push him over on his back and start riding him while she faces his feet. That position is also a great warmup for anyone interested in anal sex, as the woman's anus is in a prime position to be teased and titillated'but I'll get to that in another column.
Q: When I'm with my girlfriend, I get so excited that it's hard for me to concentrate on foreplay. I just want to go at it, if you know what I mean. Is there a specific amount of time I should dedicate to warming her up? Are there any special tricks you could teach me to loosen her up as quickly as possible?
A: Kudos to your girlfriend for keeping you so sexually fired up, but slow down, cowboy! You're missing half the fun when you rush through the foreplay. And your orgasms will be so much more intense if you build them up more. Why are you selling yourself short?
Is there a specific amount of time for foreplay? No, not really, but I'd say if you have the time, a good 30 minutes to an hour will suffice. Can't concentrate long enough to pet heavily for that amount of time? Then how about giving her a full-body massage with some extracurricular activity. (Don't forget the lit candles and scented body oils.) That will help her relax, feel sexy, and you won't have to worry about rushing through anything and robbing both of you of pleasure. Start by massaging her back, her shoulders, the backs of her legs and her feet. Be sure to slyly and gently glide your fingers between her legs a couple of times. Then ask her to roll over, and massage her front. Start with her feet and work your way up. Again, don't hone in on her vagina, but simply graze across it as you massage around it. Little kisses along the way are a plus as well. For the finale, sit at her head to give her a face, neck and scalp massage. As you finish, get on all fours so that just your face is over hers (you will have your eyes at each other's chins). Kiss down her face until you reach her mouth and give her a long sensual kiss. Continue kissing down her body as you move your body down over hers. You will end up in the '69' position. Do not sit on her face'unless of course she wants you to. Continue kissing, licking, sucking everywhere she likes. You can take it from there.
Here are some words to the wise about women and foreplay, though. If you want to seduce a woman on Tuesday, you'd better start on Sunday'or earlier. Believe it or not, women are very mental creatures. We think about sex as much as guys do, but we're just on different brain waves. You think about the actual acts of sex, while we concentrate more on the circumstances that build up to it. If you fail to take out the garbage or criticize your lover before you want to make love, you may as well get ready to take care of things yourself. Pay attention to detail. Make her feel like she's the sexiest creature on earth, and you'll be far ahead in the game of foreplay and love.
Editor's note: Laura Moore is IRONMAN's resident sexpert, a science writer for Penthouse, the host of the radio talk show 'The Health Nuts' and the author of Sex Heals. Send your questions and comments to her at thefitdiva.com.